Tuesday, May 1, 2012

we could have had it all.

24 more days to go.

Spending the first labor day as a laborer. An unpaid one that is. Funny.

Anyway, it's also my sisters birthday, so, Happy Birthday Ina! Can't wait for you to get married so Balqees can give your child a korean name like Kim Chi Kong or something. I badly wish I was home with the family. Mum called and asked if I was coming home or not cz she said they were having a barbeque back at home with Ami Dollah and Aunty Shimahs' family. That made me feel oh so sad. Nothing could really cheer me up today:(

Today the house was super packed. Ika's cousins from Johor came over and Nenek is back too. Even her family was here. Ika's mum started setting up the perfumes and stuff she was selling so people started coming over. Relatives mostly. I did feel kinda menyemak there but her cousin Amal is really nice and there were loads of little kids to play with. Sofea, the little cookie monster thatstole my cookies and sat on my lap eating them was also there. Chubbier than ever. Hehe..


Anyways, after we helped out a little, we went back into the room to start doing our lesson plans. Only, it was midday by then and the sun was scorching hot. The room felt like an oven. My skin was starting to itch again and I resulted to napping the whole afternoon cz it was just too hot to do anything. I woke up at about 4.00pm and decided I had to do something about my lesson plan or I was going to be pasting empty manilla cards onto the board for Thursdays observation.

I got to work and finished 3/4 of my AVA. I'm making a board game for teaching a, an, the. Its somewhat a Spongebob Sqaurepants themed Snakes and Ladders game. It's pretty lame. But since I'll only be having 18 students in my class this Thursday, it fits the theme pretty well I'd say.


My back is now aching like hell. That's what happens when you don't have a proper table and chair to work on but heck. I have PBSM tomorrow but I don't think I'm going since I'm gonna have to have 3 more lesson plans ready by Friday. 2 for Monday and another one for Fridays' lesson. I'm doomed.

Today as I was sitting at the table with Ede and Ika sniffing perfumes, Ika suddenly asked me, "ko tak nak jual kat Mayon ke?", and I was like, huh? Ok, I did think about it once but then I haven't seen him in over a year. Since Theater- recalled Ede. Well that was the last time they saw him anyway, and boy were they mesmerized. Hahaha.. but I don't think I really wanna see him anymore, yet. She then asked me if he still called me. He does. Around twice a month. Sometimes I call him. He's a really good talker. Haha. That means he can talk about anything under the sun and he can make it sound interesting and funny. He's a funny man and 30 minutes on the phone with him is like a mood booster for the day.

Then, came the inevitable "ko tak nak balik kat dia ke?" question. For some reason, my friends love this question. But the answer is always a firm, no. I've had my time with him. I harbour no grudges towards him and if anybody asks, I have only nice things to say about him but I've come a long way since that crying girl that night in his car. When he left, he made me believe that I was unworthy of him. I don't think there is anything in the world that could change that. Not even time.

I know my friends think it's a shame that this was how it ended. Sometimes I think it's a shame too. But I was in love with him, and he fell out of love with me. Over time, I fell out of love with him too. It was one of  the most painful experiences I ever had to endure but it was worth it. I wasn't gonna let loneliness drive me to be with someone I don't belong with.

I learned a lot from all this. Including how to love again. And that felt more amazing because it proved me wrong. I loved again. I fell in love and it felt even better this time. Never have I ever loved anybody this long, this hard. But even if this time, this one doesn't work out, then never mind. I accept it. I'll keep falling and I'll keep hurting until someday, I find someone who will make all the pain go away. Live and learn.


Sounds so much like a fairy tale but hey, I'm a believer :)

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