almost there, almost.

13 more days to go

I think everyday as we're driving back home from an exhausting day from school, we quietly asks ourselves in our heads, can we make it through this again tomorrow? and in our quiet little defeated minds we whisper to ourselves, no. But you know what the amazing thing is? We still wake up every morning, and we get up and find out and we do... we get it through the day. The same way we've been getting through the day for the past three months. I think it's a one-step-at-a-time thing. You slash the numbered boxes off the calender one by one.

Some days do feel like shit. Most days I tell him I can't wait to get the hell out of here. I tell him I hate everything about this place, except my kids. I don't hate them. But I'll tell him I hate just about everything else. Him, he's more of the quiet type. He does the counting down. He's the passing days and ticking clock. On his really bad days, you can tell, but there's nothing you can do because you feel the same way too. You know the only cure is home.

Mum has planned a holiday to Langkawi the day right after it ends. She has booked the tickets and I have never been more ready to go but funny as it sounds, I don't think I'm in any way, shape, or form, ready to say goodbye. But things like goodbyes happen weather you're ready or not and sooner or later I will have to go.

Last Friday, I had to relief my Form 2 class for PJ. As usual, they started interviewing me, STILL asking what my relationship with him was. Even if I wanted to tell them, I couldn't, because I don't know. They were begging me for my Facebook, and they were begging me not to go. A few of them even did a little sketch which I really didn't understand much of but touched me all the same. You know, even though they groan when I give them work and I have to constantly tell them to shut up in class and shout till my voice sounds all scratchy like a pondan, I am truly blessed to have them as my students. Somehow, they remind me of my class when I was back in campus. They remind me of how we used to bicker and stuff in class and we all had our own cliches and our own issues but we also had togetherness- something I dare say other classes never had.

When I think back on the days in campus, it really makes me want to cry. And one day, when this is all over (in two weeks), I will look back on these days and want to cry.


I constantly tell myself, "I'm done" but then I find myself trying again.