28 more days to go.

We had the story telling competition today. We were the judges. Which was actually quite a funny sight I think, I mean I don't think neither of us knew what we were doing but I guess you could say it was a fun experience. Hehe..

We started at 2.30pm. Only 7 participants showed up which wasn't too much of a disappointment cz I actually though no one would turn up. Out of the 7, 3 actually had talent which made me smile cz it showed that they were serious when they signed up for this competition.

 the shortest of them all -____-"

What saddened me was that after the competition, after we had announced the winners, around four more came up to us and either asked if they could join, or asked when the competition was. This frustrated me cz it meant that they weren't aware of or didn't pay attention to the announcements we made about the competition and I though the kids that came up to us actually had talent which would have made the competition a little spicier compared to the mundane one that took place earlier.

Well, no use crying over spilled milk. Whats done is done. I'm still happy with all the winners, and proud to say that one of them was my 1Y student. She did me proud though of course I'm gonna have to strangle her next Monday for not speaking like that in class!

After recess I had class with my 1J students. We did PBS (Band 1) today. I've heard a teacher say that you give these guys a piece of coloured paper and they zip it. Well, for PBS today, we made identification cards. I drew them a template on the board and they just filled in the particulars and coloured and decorated their cards. I am pleased to say, they enjoyed that very much! Now, guess who was the first person to pass up their work? Yes, it was the little dude I punished and made cry the other day. Surprising no?

Anyway, having them make these Identification Cards has allowed me to learn a lot about these kids. Especially after reading the particulars about their families. Sociolinguistics has taught me a lot about a childs SES and his achievement/performance in school. I learned that the number of parent per family and the and also the parents' occupation can tell you a lot about a kid.

Most of my kids live in a single parent home. Some had super large families. Some, have parents who are merely bus/taxi drivers and housewives. I could see it was a hard knock life for these kids. It explains a lot about them, and their behaviour. I dare say some may even have been or currently are victims of abuse. One time, I asked this kid where he got the massive scar on his arm. He said he 'kena besi panas.' I asked him who did it, he just shrugged.

There's also this one kid who always looks so messy. So comot. One class I entered, she had ink all over her tudung. Another time, she had chilli sauce all over her baju kurung. When I told her to go to the toilet to get cleaned up, she came back looking even messier! Shes always the talk of the teachers. She can't read, and she can barely write. We think she has dyslexia too because even when shes told to copy word for word from a book or the whiteboard, she gets her letters jumbled up. I didn't notice it at first. I just though she was a really really really bad speller and then during a PBS meeting when one teacher brought the topic up, then it kinda became clear to me. Though the only problem is she hasn't any doctors letter confirming the condition so we're not really allowed to say anything, or give her the extra help she needs. Maybe the parents aren't paying attention, or they just haven't enough money to 'pay attention.'

Today, she took my heart. As I sat down in the staff room and marked their work, I came across hers. There, at the bottom of her card, in her neatest handwriting, she had written:

That little message had caught me off guard. She never talked much in class and preferred to stay to herself. She does what I say and that was it. It was totally uncalled for. Never would I expect for a student to reach out to randomly thank me in her piece of work. I was a surprise, and wondered for a long time what she was thanking me for. Maybe I had actually without realizing it, given her the colour of paper she wanted, or maybe it was because I provided her with the colour pens. I don't know. Maybe, she was just thanking me, just because. And that got me beaming throughout the rest of the day.

Everyday I go to school and I drag myself through the day. Then, I go home and drag myself through the night. It has never seem to get easier. I have a lot of uncertainties about what I'm doing, about what I have done. There are words I regret saying, and words I regret not saying, and there are always doubts. I screw up some days, and it makes me feel like my life is a failure. But sometimes, the times like when I get an unexpected note from a student thanking me, lets me know that whatever I'm doing, I'm doing just fine.

Last night I had been crying. I had been asking God a few questions. Telling Him a few things. Sometimes you feel as of you've had things yanked from out of your clutches. You feel its unfair. But sometimes, you don't realize that something more precious, more amazing gets placed into you hands instead because you're too busy yearning for what you've lost. It gets placed so gently that you don't even realize it sometimes. You don't even see it but everything happens for a reason. Everything. I'm teaching myself to look close enough to find those reasons.


I came to this school to teach some kids. I ended up learning a lot more from them instead.