All I went through, it led me to you. so I'd do it all over again.

who ever thought a day gone so wrong would turn out so lovely.


I had my hands over my head thinking what else could go wrong. I badly wished I had just stayed in bed all day, thinking how can the day be so lost? Juggling time to finish off our writing assignment, reading exercises, worrying about the consonant assignment, studying for phonology test in the morning, Reading in the afternoon and Sociolinguistics at night, getting enough sleep and crying about all of this. To make matters worse, answering just barely three lines for essay questions on Creoles and Pidgins (something we've been doing since forever) proves just how unprepared I am for the finals. Sitting there looking at the questions made me feel worse than going into battle without a sword and a shield. It felt like tripping over the shield and falling over and stabbing myself in the gut with my own sword, and then dying of an infection. I felt like a failure and I wanted to go home. No, not hostel home but home home. I wanted to lick my wounds and get myself sorted out and back on track ready for the war next week.

Yes, my spirit does break that easily. Yes, loser me. I know. But then, after dinner, sitting on the curbside eating our ice-creams laughing about lesung batu's and pelvics (??) and just about everything else in between, it reminded me of the things that have gotten me going all this while. It made me wish moments like this never have to end. Even though the day went so wrong I don't think I'd change a thing. Nope, not even the part about spraying water on people over Ika's silly joke at the bookshop earlier today (don't ask) Haha... but nope, not even that.

So I guess I understand why shyt happens. It's to counter all of this, because after all, life is a balance, right? It's like this giant ferris wheel where sometimes you're on top, and the wind in blowing in your hair and you feel like you're on top of the world and nothing down there could get you and sometimes you're at the bottom, jealous of those on top, and you feel so small, so... normal. So defenceless. Like you could easily get yourself trapped under the wheel, squished like a bug. Yuck.

But it just proves that God is fair. He had me put up with a lot of rain, but then gave me this beautiful rainbow :)

I love my friends.

You should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because, when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practise staying strong instead.