I touched and I was burned.

What would you think if an ex called you in the middle of the night to say he was sorry when it's already been two years. when you hardly even remember why you were hurt in the first place. when you've already fallen in love with somebody else.

what would you think?

Ika: let's say he wanted you back, if, would you take him?
me: I have no idea.

When someone from your past returns, does it mean he never got over you when he left? Does it mean, you were the one that always crossed his mind when he was with her. Does it mean, he still believes in both of you? But what happens when you take him back? Do you realize that you feel the same way too?

Truth be told, I never shut my heart out for him. I still respect him, look up to him, and care about him. I still think he's a good guy. But taking him back would need a considerable amount of courage. Could I possibly learn to love someone I once tried so hard to stop loving because he once said he’d tried so hard to love me?

I don't think I can. No, It's not fair. Love is supposed to mean more than that. You're not meant to just leave and come back to it, you're meant to stay.

And how about Mr. crush I hear you say? The guy I think I'm madly in love with?

When I first met Mr. Crush, I fell in love and he smiled because he knew, and it was at that moment that I knew I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there’d be room for him to stay. I never thought he'd have to leave so soon.

Things weren't working out for us and nothing was ever going to happen so we've decided to just leave it at that. My love has been in vain. It sounds sad, but maybe that's the way things were meant to be. I accept that, and maybe when the time comes to let him go, I'll let him go or, I could watch him leave. Either way, he’s not mine to keep. He was never mine to keep :(


I've been through heartbreaks a million times; little pieces of you get chipped away by another person, and you shave little pieces of yourself away so that you’ll fit together, then one day you look up and you don’t even know who you are. They never get any easier, the heartbreaks, and the heart has never healed any faster. But it heals. And to me, that is all that matters. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, a night, two weeks or a few years, as long as I know I'll be fine in the end.

Ive realized that sometimes people get so caught up in their own heartaches that they never stop to realize that other people feel things, too. We go on with our lives, living in self-created prisons. I don’t wan’t to be trapped in my own mind and when love goes wrong, I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough. We spend too much time over analyzing, over-thinking, and overreacting. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don’t ever stop to see that well, we are good enough.

I'll always be the one that falls in love alone. How I wish for once, to fall in love with someone who wants me back, just as much. I'm tired of always having to be the one who has to move on, alone.

Moving on sucks.

And I think I'm so addicted to hurt because I just love the rush! That over-analyzed 10 seconds of eye contact, that brush of an arm, that smile on the face, the way he could make my heart skip beats or my lungs lose it's breath. It's exhilarating. But falling in love is like jumping, because you think you can fly but you jump and you fall and when you hit the ground, maybe, you'll see the only way to fall is down, and when you fall, sometimes it’s like spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you here. Sometimes you catch them. They can be the hands of the people you love. sometimes, you keep falling; you don't catch anything.

sometimes they catch you.

and when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.