that little piece of hope we all hold on to.

Getting over today made me feel like I've gotten over two massive hurdles. It feels like weights have been lifted off my shoulders and maybe, just maybe, things are starting to get better? I dunno. I mean, we still have our course design lesson plan to draft out and eventually present for micro-teaching, and I still have my term paper to get budging again, oh, and not forgetting my Educational Psychology proposal topic to DECIDE ON. Yeah, but still the biggest worries have been over. By this I really just mean our Writing  report and micro-teaching and our course design. But passing the THREE Lesson Plan presentations for Testing & Evaluation this morning and getting a not-that-good-but-average for our Writing micro-teaching later in the afternoon is a humongous relief that all I wanted to do after class was over is get back home and soak in the victory of getting out alive.

The Jamuan Hari Raya for our faculty is tonight. We'll, it's taking place right now actually but I'm not being anti-social or anything for not going. I know it's probably the last time we can celebrate hari raya together as a class but I just don't feel like it. Plus, I don't have anything to wear. I didn't bring any of my raya clothes (like I had any nice enough ones to bring pun). It would be a horrible feeling to feel invisible in a sea of beautiful people.

I don't feel so much like crying anymore. I mean, I know I'm a horribly high-strung person at times, especially when it comes to work and I hate feeling like such a perfectionist. It's exhausting and annoying. Probably annoying too for my friends, and I feel pretty phucked up about it sometimes. But I don't know how not to be. And I'm sorry. And most times when I complain to people about being so stressed out about all the work we have to get done and such, most people don't really want to care, they're just lazy to layan me, or they don't know what to say. But the one person who knew exactly what to say to me at times like these is far far away having the time of his life. But I can imagine what he'd say. He'd tell me, "Syaf, don't worry, you'll do fine. You always do" and after that, I'd feel like things are not so bad after all :)

I'm sorry I've run for so long. I'm sorry I still haven't stopped.