Monday, August 15, 2011

please be okay. please be okay. please be okay

It was horrible to go back feeling the way I did that day. I don't think we've ever been scolded that bad. It was a real let down. Having to redo for the second time, it just felt really frustrating cz she said we didn't put effort into our work. But that's not true! We're always big on effeort, I thin. I guess we all felt really horrible because we tried our best. But on the way back home (to Shah Alam), I bumped into Varan and he told me that she wasn't really in a good mood that morning anyways. He even gave a few tips on improving our assignment. I felt a little better then.

When I got home, I went straight up to Balqees' room and hid there from Abah. You see, earlier that morning, Mum had called asking me if I had found an English teacher to interview for my assignment yet. She told me she had tried looking for one for me but the one she found wasn't teaching in school. She asked me what I was going to do, and I told her, "keep looking I guess." And then she said, "eh, kan Abah kata nak bawak you pegi sekolah Hidayah?", and I told her that I had appointed Hidayah to ask around her school so that maybe I could set up an informal meeting (out of the school grounds) with the teacher but mum said, "you nak harapkan Hidayah ke? You know lah her." Mum was right. I didn't really put much hope on it. Then Mum said, "balik nanti you pegi je lah sekolah tu dengan Abah" and then what went after that was a blur. Cz me and Mum was bickering about how you can't enter a school WITHOUT AN OFFICIAL LETTER, WITH YOUR PARENTS because YOU a UNIVERSITY STUDENT wants to interview a teacher. That would be soooo wrong. The conversation ended with Mum going, "Ikah, tell me his name lahhhh... I want to call him! I won't say your my daughter!" and me half-yelling back, "NO MUM! NO!"

So I hid in my room till it was late evening until I was just in time to help mum cook for buka puasa. She didn't say anything about the teacher. I think she forgot-_-"

The next day day was a Saturday. I was real busy doing my assignments: practicing my part for the Educational Psychology presentation tomorrow, researching my term paper topic and trying to synchronize that with the proposal for Edu. Psychology, reading up the booklet for constructing MCQ questions, figuring out how to tweak the writing lesson plan, and plus, I had to get started on a felt order. Then we had to go out that afternoon to buy stuff for bukak puasa. Mum had to cook A LOT since Ami Dollah and Bibi Shimah's family was coming over to bukak puasa. So when we got back, we had to cook pulak. It was fun though, it was starting to feel like raya already :D After sembahyang terawih, we ordered pizza and all 21 of us munched on dominoes and chatted and played and watched TV until it was time for everyone to go home. Then, I went back upstairs to hit the books once again. Urgh.

Coming back here this morning, my heart felt as heavy as it did that day. I didn't want to go back. Who would want to leave the comforts of their home sweet home? You should have seen nenek's face last night as she was being swarmed by her children, in-laws, and grandchildren. I think back to that time when Mum turned her wheelchair around when we were eating so she could see all her grandchildren on the mat on the floor. She asked, "Ikah mana?" My heart just swelled up because in a room full of grandchildren, she still looks for me :)

But another thing that made me so reluctant to leave home was because in the car on the way back, Abah said, "next week jangan balik tau. Abah operation. Nanti takda siapa nak hantar you balik." I was stupefied for a moment. And felt startled by the news. "Abah nak operation apa?" I carefully asked. Mum just said, "operation macam hari tu je" and Abah remained quiet. It was clear no one was telling me anything. I understand, they prolly didn't want me to worry. But wouldn't it be more fair to just tell me than let me imagine the worst? I dunno. I hope everything is okay. I hope the 'macam hari tu je' meant a biopsy to make sure the cancer has gone forever, and not an actual operation to remove it because (gulp) that would mean that this is the 4th time its back.

Dear Abah, Please be okay... :'(





1 comment:

  1. why dont you make a glass of chocolate shake for your abah? i strongly recommend it. i see so many people improved their health when they take it once a day.

    i really hope your abah will be recover.

    ReplyDelete

words left unspoken.