head under water and they tell me, to breathe easy...

Today was a day of mixed feelings.


We got up early morning cz we had to go to the Shah Alam campus to distribute our questionnaires to our samples. It was a good thing too that Kak Shida's group had decided to use Shah Alam students as her samples too so we got to car pool with her. Things went smoothly. Alhamdulillah. We got there just in time for Mins class to finish and as Kak Shida went to see her little brother, we rounded up around 12 of Min's classmates to stay back and answer the questionnaires. After we were done with that, we got to catch up with Min a little. Oh, btw, Min is my old roomate, when we were in Foundation. I could say, she was my first friend I ever made in Unisel :)

if only Bella was here, then we'd be complete :)

So then after that, we made a pit stop to home sweet home to get the hostel pass that mum accidentally took back home with her when they came to send me Sunday morning. You see, Yesterday morning, as I was getting ready to go to class, Vinn answered a knock at our door. It was the akak guard. She asked for a Sharifah and Vinn called me and said, "I think its your Mum!," and I really thought Mum was at the door! but turns out, Mum had never returned the pass to the guardhouse. They forgot maybe, so the akak guard told me that she had to take away my matrix card and I had to go get it back from Jana Niaga by giving the pass back, explaining where it went missing to, and paying a fine of 10 bucks. I didn't mind the fine. I was just annoyed that I had to go through Jana Niaga to get my matrix card back, and I was stumped about how I was gonna get the card back anytime soon when Mum and Abah told me not to go home this weekend. But it wasn't the akak guagd's fault anyways, she was just doing her job so I decided not to be pissed at her and gave up my card. 10 minutes later, the pak guard came knocking. He handed me my matrix card back and said, "takpelah dik, ktorg faham, ktorg tak ambik lah kad matrix adik dan adik tak payah lah bayar, cuma nanti pulangkan cepat pass tu ye?" Ok if didn't look so weird and perverted, I would have hugged the pak guard! That was nice of them, and my heart just swelled with gratitude :) 

But anyways, I still had to get the card back so with God's willing, the opportunity came when coincidentally, we had to go to Shah Alam Campus. I called Abah in the morning and asked him if he could  meet me at the campus to pass me the pass. But Abah said he was going to send mum to UM later on and didn't know if he could make it back on time so I said, okay, nvm, Ill just get it next time I get back. But since we got to finish our work early enough, we had time to drop by home to get the pass so I called Abah again and told him I was coming come to get it myself. When I got home, bibik told me Abah had left the pass for me on the table. So as we were just hanging out at my house, resting, and raiding the kitchen for stuff to bring back for buka puasa, I asked bibik where Abah was, and bibik said, "eh! kan Abah kat hospital!" and I was like, "eh? harini ke? bukan sabtu ahad ke?" and bibik said, " eh bukan lah.. Abah operation harini la yang..." and all I could say was, "oh..." Whose gonna look after Abah in the hospital? Mum's busy with lectures, Ina, with work, Balqees, with studying, I'm here and Hidayah's got school. Even bibik has nenek to look after at home :'(

Since the day Abah told us he used to stay at the YMCA when we lived in Ipoh and he had to come here for treatment, we knew that we could never leave Abah alone again. Yes, Abah is a strong willed guy, but no one should have to be alone without their loved ones when they're sick.

Somehow nostalgia painfully rushes back feeling like a damn has just burst and I'm slowly drowning in old feelings, head under water, gasping for a breath of hope.

 

you don't always need water to feel like you're drowning.