Accepting the fact that someone might not always be there for you is hard. But is it better to forget those people than to cling onto them, hoping they'd stay?
I'm always feeling like this is the part that's always constant in my life. This is where I'm at right now. Until recently, this question has been playing over and over again in my head like a broken tape recorder, the words keep repeating and even though I jam my fingers hard on the pause button, nothing stops.
You know what’s the hardest part about moving on? It's the staring over part. When you're starting over (or at least trying to), you'll start to realize how many people there really is left in your life that will stick with you for the years to come and how many were only there for the ride that’s already over. But I don’t really mean that in a bad way you know, most people come and leave and that’s just how life works I suppose. I don't think anyone's always going to be there for you anyways. Heck, it’s your life. Everyone else has theirs too now don't they? And again and again I've been kept the constant reminder that everyone's entitled to their own happiness.
But even so, there will definitely be people who will stick around for a lot longer than those passers-by. Sometimes, people get busy living their own lives with no intention of including you in it and they finally just drift away just like that and I guess that’s the point when we start to wonder where they really fit in our life, or us in theirs for that matter. So I wonder, is it better to hold on or to let go? Maybe both and maybe neither. I guess all that's left to do is to do what feels right at that moment. Follow your heart I suppose. But then again, the heart does have the tendency to lead you astray. I dunno. But I think, with enough 'practice' I’ve tried fitting squares into circles, shoving them in till their sides scratch and crack until I've learnt who fits where, who doesn’t quite fit and who simply doesn’t at all.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m done going after people who are too busy chasing others (maybe I’m guilty too?) But what I know is that I am immensely grateful and forever will be for those who are still here, those who have found a million and one reason to leave me but chose to stay instead. And with the others, I realized something had to be wrong if I was the only one initiating conversations or making the effort to call them out to meet. Besides, one-sided conversations can only get you so far, and seeing somebody that doesn't really want to see you? Well, that's nearly as bad as conflicting pain upon yourself. You might as well tear your heart out, offer him a knife and a fork and dig in. The both of you.
Things are bound to topple over if all the weight’s been put on one side of the scale. So I let some people go; I set them free. I won’t say I’ve never wished that things had turned out a little differently, because sometimes, I do. But I can't beg someone to not leave me, because I know I wouldn't be able find the one reason to make them stay. I’m not sure if that’s what ‘giving up’ on people is called because I’m at this stage whereby I would take them back but maybe this time, they're going to have to make all the efforts. But I guess it’s okay if they don’t, because sometimes, some things are just not meant to be, right? I’m not even sure how much longer I’m going to be able to keep my heart open to them. And maybe even, if the time comes there is a need too, I may just build these walls back up and maybe this time, there wont be no door.
And about forgetting, do you really think you can forget people just like that? I mean, if you're already finding it that tough accepting the fact that maybe they don’t really care as much as you wanted them to, then maybe it's not really as easy as you think it may be. Beause I honestly swear, I don’t think I can. Setting them free was the best I could do.
And in more ways than one, I’m still trying.
I'll remember you.
You know what’s the hardest part about moving on? It's the staring over part. When you're starting over (or at least trying to), you'll start to realize how many people there really is left in your life that will stick with you for the years to come and how many were only there for the ride that’s already over. But I don’t really mean that in a bad way you know, most people come and leave and that’s just how life works I suppose. I don't think anyone's always going to be there for you anyways. Heck, it’s your life. Everyone else has theirs too now don't they? And again and again I've been kept the constant reminder that everyone's entitled to their own happiness.
But even so, there will definitely be people who will stick around for a lot longer than those passers-by. Sometimes, people get busy living their own lives with no intention of including you in it and they finally just drift away just like that and I guess that’s the point when we start to wonder where they really fit in our life, or us in theirs for that matter. So I wonder, is it better to hold on or to let go? Maybe both and maybe neither. I guess all that's left to do is to do what feels right at that moment. Follow your heart I suppose. But then again, the heart does have the tendency to lead you astray. I dunno. But I think, with enough 'practice' I’ve tried fitting squares into circles, shoving them in till their sides scratch and crack until I've learnt who fits where, who doesn’t quite fit and who simply doesn’t at all.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m done going after people who are too busy chasing others (maybe I’m guilty too?) But what I know is that I am immensely grateful and forever will be for those who are still here, those who have found a million and one reason to leave me but chose to stay instead. And with the others, I realized something had to be wrong if I was the only one initiating conversations or making the effort to call them out to meet. Besides, one-sided conversations can only get you so far, and seeing somebody that doesn't really want to see you? Well, that's nearly as bad as conflicting pain upon yourself. You might as well tear your heart out, offer him a knife and a fork and dig in. The both of you.
Things are bound to topple over if all the weight’s been put on one side of the scale. So I let some people go; I set them free. I won’t say I’ve never wished that things had turned out a little differently, because sometimes, I do. But I can't beg someone to not leave me, because I know I wouldn't be able find the one reason to make them stay. I’m not sure if that’s what ‘giving up’ on people is called because I’m at this stage whereby I would take them back but maybe this time, they're going to have to make all the efforts. But I guess it’s okay if they don’t, because sometimes, some things are just not meant to be, right? I’m not even sure how much longer I’m going to be able to keep my heart open to them. And maybe even, if the time comes there is a need too, I may just build these walls back up and maybe this time, there wont be no door.
And about forgetting, do you really think you can forget people just like that? I mean, if you're already finding it that tough accepting the fact that maybe they don’t really care as much as you wanted them to, then maybe it's not really as easy as you think it may be. Beause I honestly swear, I don’t think I can. Setting them free was the best I could do.
And in more ways than one, I’m still trying.
I'll remember you.
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words left unspoken.