It just feels so hard to be counting down to the he day that will determine weather I can finally stop this long big sigh of worry or if these tears I quietly cry every night will only get heavier.
I've texted mum, so she won't forget. I couldn't bring myself to call her because I'd like to imagine her response as being somewhat... not serious? I don't want to hear the anxiety in her voice and I want to imagine her thinking that it's no big deal and that everything's gonna be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay. That's what vinn told me last night after she caught me after one of my crying spells. Only, she thought I was dead happy about something. Wow. I never knew I was that good at hiding it. But well, it just takes one person to look at you in a certain way and ask, kenapa? in a certain tone of voice to poke a hole in that balloon that's been swelling up inside of you, and let those troubles trickle down your cheeks a little.
She said she'd teman me at the hospital if I wanted her to. I thought that was awfully sweet, and prolly the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me concerning this.
I really hope that everything is gonna be okay. Because I can't imagine what my life would be like if it wasn't.
That fragment of light at the end of the tunnel- I hope it's still here. I'm still finding the way.
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words left unspoken.