back to monday.

Some days I feel as if I hate school as much as school children do. I feel really tired and lethargic and it gets worse if my kids don't listen to me or if I get the noisiest class to relief.

Last week I had to relief the noisiest Form 1 class 4 days in row. Most days I just go in, walk around and tell everyone to sit sit sit. Then I'll punish the noisy ones by making them sit on the floor in front of the class and face the wall. They hate it, and usually shut up after that. If they don't, I just threaten them with demerits by writing their names in my notebook. I don't really give them the demerits though but it works pretty well since for the rest of the day they'd be looking for me and begging me to rub of their names and promising to be really quiet.

For my Form 2 class last week, I did an oral test and gave the rest comprehension questions to do. The problem was that the school was having photography day for clubs and persatuan and the students were coming in and going out and it was distracting and I though it was really rude when they walked right in front of their friends who were presenting. They were also overly active so they couldn't keep quite for more than a few minutes after I silence them.There was one moment when the class was super noisy and everyone was just walking around and this boy's voice was booming around the class and this girl came right up in front of me to ask permission to leave the classroom to get her photo taken even when I signaled my hand to show "wait" because I wanted to listen to the person presenting that I couldn't take it and burst out saying, "Class sit down! Amirul shut up! Amira get out!"

I felt terribly bad 5 seconds later and when the class started behaving nicer, I got nicer too and tried joking with them. At the end of the class, this girl Evelyn, came up to me and said, "Teacher, you're the best English teacher I've ever had." Puzzled, I laughed and asked why. Her answer was, "because even though the class is so noisy, you're always so jolly!" LOLLL! If only they knew that us practicum teachers are not allowed to get crabby. Haha. Oh, and I looked for Amira and apologized to her. She's usually one of the most well behaved students in my class and I didn't want her to end up hating me instead.

My Form 1 class are an easier bunch to handle. They're like little angels who sometimes like to get cheeky but are almost always a sight for sore eyes and are the one who end up making me feel like less of a faliure as a teacher at the end of the day.They are so innocent and it's hard to stay angry at them for more than 3 minutes. Like this one time, when I was teaching them how to do essays, this boy came up to me looking all guilty with his school bag in his hands and says, "I'm sorry teacher, but I didn't bring my book. Here, you can check my bag teacher" and he hands me his bag though I push it away and say, "it's okay Ammar, I trust you. Do your work on a piece of paper and then stick it into your book okay." And then there's this one girl when on Mondays, she always comes up to me and asks permission to stand in class. The first time I was really surprised, and found it to be really funny cz I was thinking, why would you want to be punished? Then, she told me she was sleepy so she wanted to stand up to stay awake which I thought was really cute. I let her and she is always a very good participant in class. Then there's this other little guy in my class who I think is super adorable cz every time he sees me, he'll give a little shy wave and say, "hi teacher" like he's got some crush on me. It's just too adorable. This guy, after every activity in class if he's done with his work, he'll sit on a chair in the corner at the back of the class and stare out the window. When I go up to him to ask whats wrong, cz you know, maybe he's having problems with his group mates or something, he tells me that he's okay and' hes just relaxing his mind and taking in some fresh air.

and some days, these are the things that get me going. Some days.