when sorrow sucks you dry

I was teary and frustrated. I was tired. I was angry, I was sad.

A friend called me at 7.30am to tell me he woke up to a dream of me being hysterical cz someone in my family died. I called Abah and Mum and home and nobody answered. When Abah finally called back 4 hours later to ask if I wanted any money banked in, I realized how bad I was missing him, and home. I could barely get out of bed and was coughing so hard my chest hurt but had to force myself to memorize the damned phucking speech which never happened anyway. I was still hurt from what I saw about Mr. Crush last night and wished it didn't have to hurt so much and I wondered if he was going to turn out be be just another chapter in my life after all. I wondered if the day will come when I finally find someone who would want me back just as much. So I sat there on my bed; speech in one hand, phone in the other, drying my tears with my t-shirt thinking, things will get better, they will. (right?)

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.