The day I met you my eyes said, "Hi, nice to meet you," my heart said, "Oh, I've found you!" and my head said, "Heart, prepare to be broken."

You know what the worst feeling in the world is? When someone you have been crushing on forever, when someone who makes you smile at the most unlikely moments, when someone gives you the butterflies when he walks by, when someone you dream about everyday, and someone you would give absolutely anything to, feel the same way - just, not about you.

I think, in some way or another, I've been using Mr. Crush - just not in the same way he's been using me. It wasn't until the other day that I was quite certain that he has a tiny little place in my heart. First it was a silly little crush, an excuse to get over my ex. But then I realized, I'm over my ex. I've been over him a long long time ago. So what did I need him for exactly? What was I still using him for?

I guess the only logical reason I have is that he makes me happy. It's as simple as that. Even though to him, I'm just some rebound girl; someone he looks for every time she doesn't pick up his calls, or reply his textes or when he's decided to finally give up on all hope.

When I thought about it at first, it made me sad. It wasn't fair to treated that way. But at some point, I decided that somehow, maybe I was okay with it. Absurd. I know. But you see, sometimes, someone comes into your life and that changes everything. Raises the standards, makes you laugh, and makes you feel like you. There is something about him that I can't put into words and even though I'm not with him, I don't want to let him go... Maybe not just yet.

Once you've been hurt you're so scared to get attached again, like you have this fear that every person you start to like is gonna break your heart. I promised myself I wouldn't fall for him. I didn't care how fast my heart beat when I saw him. I told myself, NO. I was in denial of course. Silly me. It wasn't until what happened the other day that it made me realize, I did feel something for him. Maybe not as much as what I once felt for Mr. Ex, but definitely enough to hurt a little. It was as if something had ignited in my veins, and weirdly enough, I prayed it never goes away. Love hurts, but sometimes it’s a good hurt and it feels like I’m alive.

Am I wasting my time with these feelings? The pressure’s off now so I’m back on the ground. Too bad, I kind of liked it in the clouds with him. Because he takes me away from everything and everyone, that’s held me back for so long. Heaven for a few months makes up for all the hell that life’s dealt me.

You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story.