sometimes I wanna call you, but I know you won't be there.

We had the cross-country run today. My house lost. Badly. Everything else was just a boring blur. Sat on that stupid sofa and waited and waited and waited. For? Heck, God knows what. Time to go home I suppose. Ede called but she was too busy with her term paper back at Unisel to chat much. Called Ayie but he just got up so I felt guilty. Called a bunch of other people but I guess it was to early for anyone to pick up. So, as soon as I got home from school, I called Vinn, and balled my eyes out. 

I feel like this some days. Just some days. I don't think I'm aloud to feel like this as much as I used to anymore though- something about growing up and getting over it. Yeah, something like that.

I think I wouldn't mind being in school if all I had to do was teach. Go to class and teach. I love teaching. I love my students. What I hate is everything else. All the unnecessary things that make coming to school a torture.

I feel like I should be taking some poetic discourse to describe all the ways I'm crumbling. I feel like there should be words for this, but all I really feel is defeated. No, not like the defeated you feel when your house gets fifth place, out of five houses. Defeated as in something inside you has decided to stop functioning: maybe the brain, maybe your heart, and you have lost your will to live. A bit dramatic don't you think? Yeah, maybe, and that's that's just how it feels right now.

These four weeks have finally taken it's toll on me. I am just so so tired, and so so sad, and most days, I just feel terribly terribly lonely.

My whole world is changing, I don't know where to turn.

I must not let them see me cry, cause I'm fine, I'm fine.