aletophobia:

Last night, Mum asked me, “eh, how old are you?”

“going on twenty-three, why?”

“when do you want to get married?”

I laughed so hard I nearly rolled down the stairs laughing my head off! LOL! “I’ll wait after Ina get’s married first thankyouverymuch!” I told her. “But Ina’s gonna kill her husband. She’ll be so busy that if she gets married, she’ll probably neglect him to death.”

Lol. True dat Mum. True dat..

Haha... I dunno, I still don’t want to get married before she does. The eldest should get married first. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. And besides, I don’t have a guy to marry:(

Ok, I know that’s just so saddd but honestly, I don’t think anyone is confident enough to even love me. Well, it’s either they’re not confident enough or somehow, they’re just ashamed of me. Don’t ask me how I know. I just do. Sometimes I just feel these things and it may sound a little silly to you but it really does feel that way sometimes. I mean, explain to me (pleaseee) the,‘I tried so hard’ scenario.

Yeah. That was the reason. The excuse. Some people have said that that’s the biggest bull they ever heard. Sometimes, I think that too. But still, I wonder, was it really that hard to love me until you had to try? Was it really that hard to love me that you had to try so hard and yet you still couldn’t do it? Those simple words stringed together and set in that situation must have been one of the most degrading thing anyone could have ever told me. And till today, I cringe every time I hear that. And though I am totally over the mouth the words came from, I’m not totally over those words just yet.

I duuno. Maybe you can never be sure what love really is, but still, I think you never be unsure if you love. I mean, if someone asked you, "do you love him?" You either say yes, or you say no. You could say maybe if you don’t want the person to know you’re in love, but you can never say I don’t know because the moment you stop to think whether you love someone, that’s the moment you stop loving the person forever.

I think love is something you’re just supposed to know. No doubts, no second guesses, just... love, I suppose?.

Sometimes I think it’s just better if I let my parents find someone for me. It could certainly save me all the sucky heartbreak. But what’s love without all that mess? I want to fall in love. I have always dreamed of it. I have always dreamed of falling in love with someone who didn’t need me to be pretty or happy all the time, someone who didn’t care that I didn’t have some special talent to show off, or that I trip over my own feet every ten minutes and talk like there’s no such thing as tommorows, someone who wouldn’t be ashamed of me or of loving me or let his friends say horrid and unkind things about me. I dream of falling in love with someone who, loved me for who I was even if I was... inadequate.

But just in case the parents do decide to take matters into their own hands, I’m just glad I already have someone volunteering to pose as my boyfriend. At least he could help me stall for a while, while I continue my pursuit for true love. Lol. That sounds so mushy. Haha...

But you know I still believe that God made it so that there is someone out there for each and every one of us. And people keep telling me that if I’m patient enough, the ‘right person’ will come along. Sometimes, I think mine got hit by a bus or something (ok if that were true, it would be sooo not cool!) But I still have faith in God, and I still believe in love. And where ever I am right now, whether in love or out of it, and whatever the situation might be, sure or a misty blur, I’ve got my feet set firmly on the ground. I’m not moving. I’m not giving up, I still love (him).



And I wonder, can people live without love? Maybe they can, yes. But could they really go back to being bitter after having a taste of love?