all we have is now.

Maybe we’re too busy to notice that things are changing. At some point in our lives, somewhere amidst the chaos, we’d stop in confusion and ask Where are we? What happened? How did we get here? Did we lose ourselves somewhere along the way?

But look back, just look back over the past year and you will realize that you were never really lost. You’d find yourself, at the bottom of every pit of guilt you buried with regret filled with sorrow and frustration, in the drops of every tear ever shed from the quiet corners of your lonely eyes. You’d find it in the niche of every smile carved upon your face, or in the echoes of your heart beat. The headache every morning, and the heartache every night. If you look hard enough, in these moments, you will find you.

And ook back and see that everything has changed, whether you like it or not. People you thought were going to be there forever aren’t anymore, and people you never imagined you’d want to be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. But that’s just the way life is. It makes little sense, and has no intention of making you understand. And the more we grow the less sense it will make.

 

It’s now the end of Second Year. I’m not ready for Third Year. I’m not ready for change again. I’m afraid, and I’m terrified. Some days, I wish we could just skip all this bullshit and get on with it like heartless beasts. Get what ever we came here for, and get out. Escape. Run as fast and as far as you can away from what ever you think that’s chasing you. But you can barely escape without getting your leg caugt in a trap, or maybe the barbed wire surrounding the place. Barely can you escape without a bruise, or cut that will scar you, mark you for the rest of your life. Barely can you escape without memories. Good or bad, to haunt you in your darkest hours or shine with you on your brightest days. Because as hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always comes back to nip us in the butt. And as history shows us again and again, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

So I suppose all that’s left to do is just make the most of now, before it all changes once again, before new memories are made because in the near future all of this is only going to be stuffed at the back of your mind collecting dust, waiting, until the day you decide you want to remember.

And what a awful shame that would be.
 

Life has a peculiar feel when you look back on it that it doesn’t have when you’re actually living it