Dear wind, pick me up and carry me home...

Have you ever leaned back in a chair and felt completely helpless? Your feet are in the air and you're balancing yourself, trying to stay still without falling, you feel scared. That's how scared I am right now. I'm scared I'll fall over backwards and knock my head hard on the cold floor. Have I leaned back too far to grab the edge of the table? Am I too late to save myself? You're still up at 4am and you cant sleep. You think of all the people you could call, but you call  no one cz you think that no one will care so you end up waiting for the sun to come up all by yourself, hoping that daylight melts away your worries, and brings new hope for a better day. But it's never as beautiful as it sounds. You're still very much alone.

When we found out about the Mayor is coming to watch us, I went back and cried. I'm tired. Yes I know everybody else is as tired as me, some are even more tired than me. But I'm more than just physically tired, I'm mentally tired too. It's like, you think you've given all you've got, but you get squeezed, like an orange, you've given your last drop of orange juice, but the people want more, they're thirsty for more.  Don't disappoint them? Don't make them regret their choice! Don't embarrass us! Don't let everyone else down!

It all feels like it's never going to end.

Yesterday afternoon, I called home. Told home about what was happening. Home wasn't happy. Home said, "Study is very important , and is your future. Not this play, so spend time appropriately. But you are young, so enjoy yourself while you still can. But remember home, and remember Allah." Home is right.

I don't wanna let home down....

Sometimes, I get so tired of all the things I don't wanna do, and sometimes I feel like I need everyone else so much more than they need me. I wish the wind would just pick me up and carry me home. I think I've had enough of all this, I've had enough of being here. I just want to go home.


Here's to hoping.... here's to coping.