Oh bitter hearts, why do you hurt me so?

First of all, I would like to say that I do not enjoy being stalked. I do not enjoy being stalked at all. It's one thing to stalk someone. It's another to stalk them and say bad stuff about them behind their backs. If you've got something to say, say it to my face. Not to my friends, or anyone else close to me and make them think bad stuff about me too. I have tried my very best to keep my Facebook and my blog as neutral as I can. There are days when I wish I could write, "shut the fuck up you two-faced bitch," or "you really are a stinking bastard and I hope you get hit by a train" on my Facebook status, or onto my blog, but I don't. Because I believe that if you want to keep certain stuff about yourself private, you’ll keep that 'certain' stuff about yourself private. I try not to be a hypocrite. I try not to lie. Things I write are as raw as they get, but that doesn't mean I write EVERYTHING. Some things I hide, because I don't want people to read them. Yes, I fear scrutiny from people. I am not perfect. I have skeletons in my closet. I have ugly scars. I have flaws. But so do you. You are not perfect either.

I was saying to Ayie the other day that some people may think we're brats. But they'd have to walk in our shoes to know why. So go ahead, I DARE you. Take a walk in my shoes and show me the scars. I bet you'll have many.

Sometimes, I do wonder how my life looks like in other peoples eyes. I wonder what they see in me. Are they thinking I have it easy? That I don't have anything going on for myself? The truth is, no one will ever really know my whole story, or the things I've had to go through. You may read my blog and think you know me, you may look at my photos on Facebook and think you know me. Some people may know some parts. Some may know the important parts, but nobody but me will know absolutely everything. I can't believe how quick people are to judge things these days. But they should know, that you only see a person from what they want you to see, and what they allow you to see. And sometimes, some people may do a thing a certain way, a way different from you, and sometimes they don't take the same path as you, but it doesn't mean that they're going the wrong way, or that they're lost. And It doesn't mean that the path you take is the right one. And sometimes, you just have to get lost in order to find your way. I will find my way, and so will you, it's just...  maybe you'll get there faster than me. But who knows.

I always try to make myself look as put together as I can, like I'm not marked by scars reminding me of the battles I've lost. Asep once told me, "you don't strike me as someone who has 'problems', you always look so happy. I guess I was wrong." I guess that's just my way of hiding what I feel... I put plasters over those scars. It doesn't heal them, but it hides them from the public eye. It's so that everyone will assume that everything in my life is okay. Though, it doesn't stop them from being curious about whats underneath the plaster. They can only wonder, and assume; how deep the wound, how long ago, and how it got there in the first place. Sometimes they can be awfully mean about what they think. If only everyone knew how broken I am, if only they knew that I'm really just a bloody big mess inside and how I'm holding on for dear life on the pieces I've left on me. The truth is that no one really knows me. No one will ever know me, and sometimes that scares me, because no one will ever know why I am the way I am.

So please, quit stalking me. How would you like it if people stalked you and said bad stuff about you to your friends or loved ones too? How would you like it if someone blindly judged you, put labels on you, tags, point their fingers at you and you call names like ugly, stupid or misunderstood?

How would you like it?

You can never stop people from talking negatively about you. But you can make them eat what they have said, and see them choke to death.