promise me you'll be the one to stay?

A year has gone by but these feelings have stayed. A year ago, you were just a crush to me, Mr. Crush. I wrote silly poems about you, sang sappy love songs in your name, and dreamed about having your hands intertwined in mine. But you were just a crush, I told myself, and you'd be nothing more. I laugh at my silly self back then, and I laugh at my silly self right now. You silly fool, I tell myself, you’ve fallen for him. You said you wouldn't but now you have. What are you going to do?

Whatever that’s been going on for the past couple of months has been making me feel even more sure about things. What things exactly? I can’t quite say. All I know is, that once upon a time I wanted something else, something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps? I was searching for the thing they call love. I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. I didn’t understand it much but it’s like, when you don't have love, there's this party going on and everybody was invited. Everybody but you, and you just happen to walk by that house in the pouring rain.

But then again, I wasn't that naive. I knew that people who had love, also had the things called jealousy, and bitterness, and pain. I have witnessed firsthand how love made some crumble, how love made some cry. It made me feel even more confused. Besides passion and romance, there was also all this. But then who would want all this, I wondered. Why did I, despite that, still long for it?

I tried not to get too attached so I wouldn’t fall too hard, too fast. But I realized that I fell a long time ago and now, I’m loving you with all that I’ve got. I think people are wrong when they say, love its blind. Maybe it’s love that makes us see much more. It floods our brain with sights and sounds, so that everything looks bigger, brighter, more lovely than ever before. Sometimes this thing, it seems so simple and easy… but there are times when it all just seems like a mess. But there are days when I wouldn’t mind diving into that mess. As long as you are there to dive in with me.

All I have needed and all I could ever want intersect in you.You make me better in ways that I have waited my whole life to be. But I want to tell you that my heart is too heavy, too ugly to hold. But I like the sight of your pretty fingers wrapped neatly around it to let you know.

These feelings, these thoughts, these words, they’re buried deep within my heart, fighting to get out like a monster in a cage. All I had to do was lift the latch and set it free. But I don’t. And it was not that I feared you would laugh in my face. No... you are far too kind for that. My fear is a greater one- that you wouldn’t say it back. So, deep in my heart, I concealed things I was longing to say. Scared to confess what I was feeling- frightened you’d slip away.

One of the hardest moments in life is deciding when to give up and when to try harder, and when you have so much left inside of you, nothing is worse than knowing you’re holding it all back.You can transmute love, muddle it, ignore it…but you can never really pull it out of you…


I love your eyes. I love your smell. I love your hair. I love your laugh. I love your smile. I love your skin. I love everything inside you.

I love you.