hey, don't write yourself off yet.

And so, this is it? This is the new year? It doesn't feel very much different from last year. It doesn't feel very new. But then again, the year has only just begun. there's still so much to happen. I'm scared for what may be coming. I'm terrified. But I'm ready. I'm ready. I just hope that the past doesn't come nipping me in the butt. I hope those shadows stay in the past-where they belong- and they never come back. But suppose they do, I guess I'm just gonna have to be ready for that too then, amn't I?

Yes, lots have been going on since my last update. The other day during rehearsals I stupidly cried cz I was forced to dance. I'm not trying to be some kind of prima donna, and yes, I guess I should have known that this was what I signed up for when I let my friends write my name down for the audition, but it wasn't like I didn't tell her I couldn't sing and dance. I did. Honestly I did! But all she said was, "you can't sing and dance? you can! you can lah!." And well, that was that.

You see, I have two left feet, but that doesn't mean I didn't try. I did. I really did. Asep said, "just give it a try syaf", so I did, I gave it a try; stuck it out and bit my lip as I struggled to twirl and swirl and jump and skip and hop and prance right down till the very last minute, and then broke down crying when Yuva asked, "Syaf okay?"

I'm sorry everyone for being such a cry baby. I guess I was just under pressure from (besides having two left feet), thinking about all those lines I have to memorize... poems... I had assignments to get done, presentations to prepare, tests to study for.. and then there was lost time I had to make up for, for neglecting my babes. And all that guilt to wash away for letting them do assignments without my share of the burden. I am truly sorry guys... and thanks for the constant support. (do I sound like an artist for saying this?) haha... heck, I really am. Especially to those who stayed with me throughout the two and a half hours of make-up, and easily another in the rain for the photo shoot. For hugging me when I cried and telling me that it was all going to be okay. To the ones who told me I did great when I knew I needed major improvement. To the guys who to threatened to punch the next guy who makes me cry (even if they were only joking), and for telling me they'll 'defend me till the max'. To the ones for understanding how busy I was and letting me off the hook for contributing the least in certain work, and everyone else who told me 'you can do it!' when I felt like giving up.

Of course, It doesn't feel so good when someone says stuff like, "that's Laila?" in the most sarcastic way you could ever imagine, but I guess I'm just gonna have to suck it up, take every ounce of criticism, and consider it constructive, whether they were intended that way or not. I don't think I have the energy (nor the time) to be angry or upset about it.

Now the only thing I have to worry about is the venue. Please oh please oh pleaseeeee! don't let it be in DBKL. I'd die! :'(

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright. 

P/s: I'm not posting the official video here cz the Jimmy Eat World are naughty boys.Go watch it on YouTube if you're naughty too. haha!